I ask not for a lighter burden but broader shoulders.

Jewish proverb

My reasons for selecting this old proverb are very simple: as I write I feel ill and exhausted. Oh, it’s nothing serious. A cold, a throat infection…usual for this time of year. But I confess that my normal resilience has deserted me just for now, and I feel weak.

I think, to be honest, it began when I looked into my little dog’s eyes at the end of October and knew that I had to prepare myself for the end of her life. You might think that I would find joy in the expected grandson, and my poor daughter’s pregnancy was grim and I was beside myself with worry. Well, my little Bonnie died on November 4^th and the new baby was born on December 1^st and all through this time I have felt so buffeted by high emotions it was inevitable they would take their toll. Mind, body, spirit marching resolutely forward….and then collapsing.

That’s all.

Seemples!

But the trouble is, I feel I have to be superwoman for my family (which includes elderly parents who need attention) and when I cannot transform myself into that whirling strong woman I feel I am letting everybody down.

So right now, on Friday night, when I feel rotten and my throat is on fire and I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep, I am longing to get better and be strong again.

I hate being a wimp and lolling about in my dressing gown, feeling fainting sorry for myself – when, God only know, I have a wonderful life and give thanks for it.

I really do.

Just need to get that strength back.